At first it was just yet another bothersome ad campaign - the new TV spots from a particularly unappetizing fast food chain, promoting food in brave new sizes that make you feel full - but I just saw another one today from another comestible company, along the same lines. Since when have we been aiming for a feeling of gut-busting* fullness from our takeout food? Has the true measure of the food we eat become how many buttons we have to undo on our pants/shirts in order to regain feeling below our waist?
And I'm not referring to the family-style restaurants where you get enormous portions; at least you can eat some of what's served and take the rest home to save for a later meal or meals. I'm talking about a breakfast burrito the size of a small dog (and on a side note, show me a self-respecting south-of-the-border dweller who puts an omelet in a tortilla for breakfast, and I'll EAT a small dog), prepared specifically for a five-minute window of face-feeding, after which it disintegrates and returns to the vomitrocious unpalatability from whence it came. This isn't something you're wrapping up for dinner, especially if you're getting it to go. I don't care if it's a $45 filet; if it's been sitting on the passenger seat of my car for more than 20 minutes, it's what's for breakfast, and that's all, folks.
Speaking of filet, the local coffee chain has come up with a new breakfast sandwich idea - steak, egg and cheese. People, I beg you. Steak: it's NOT what's for breakfast. Anything outside of the pork family is, at its very earliest, a lunch meat. Hence the term. I can't say that in my almost 30 years on this earth, I've woken up in the morning with crust in my eyes and goop in my mouth, craving a porterhouse right then and there. In Spain, if you have anything more than a piece of dry toast for breakfast, it's considered a heavy meal - I can't even fathom sinking my teeth into a "steak" (those are finger quotations) first thing in the morning.
And lastly, does anyone else find anything screamingly ironic about the local lottery's new tag line: "You gotta play."... and the disclaimer at the bottom "Please play responsibly." Yup. You are COMPELLED to play... but we're covering our asses anyway. Reminds me of the old Norm McDonald standup routine about getting lottery tickets as a birthday present. "Do those things ever pay off? No! It's like saying 'Happy birthday! Here's nothing!'"
*I started to write butt-gusting, which I guess could be interpreted similarly, although later on in the gastrointestinal timeline.
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